There are big, big feelings to be felt after childcare, kinder, school, gaining a new sibling… or you know what, just any day!!!
As a prep teacher, I often had parents query whether their children were “calm and well behaved” (let’s deal with that mentality in another post!) as their child let rip with the wildness at home.
Normal.
Completely normal and developmentally appropriate. 💕
Your little one works so hard, is exposed to so much and then gets to you, and let it all come tumbling out. Why?!
Because you’re special. You are their safe zone. 💕
It can be hard.
But what a privilege.
⚠️They trust you with their emotional and physical download
⚠️They need your calm to help the co-regulate
⚠️They can be given and taught tools to help work through these big feelings
Babies have evolved to encourage connection with their parents to increase their chances of safety and survival. Attachment and connection are such crucial developmental elements! Your little one needs to feel loved and secure in order to explore their world, develop their emotional understanding and skills, communication and knowledge of relationships.
Co-regulation is about letting your child feel their feelings and using your calm and groundedness to help them, to use a common yoga phrase “come back to centre”, meaning come back to equilibrium. As humans, we all need to feel a vast range of emotions, some we are more comfortable with, and those that make us uncomfortable. Children’s emotions range and vary quickly, and as their guides in life, its our job to help them navigate these.
So, here are the important questions:
How do we support our child with these big feelings?
How can they learn to work through the emotions themselves?
We start with recognition. Naming the emotion and the feeling.
Emotion: subconscious sensations in the body
Feeling: our thoughts around the emotion
Try not to label them as bad or good and remind your child, they will pass, just let the wave pass….
Feel it. Feel the feelings, emotions, sensations. Don’t block it out.
Where do we feeling the sensations and emotions in our bodies?
What colour does that emotion feel for you?
Where or why are you feeling it?
Release the emotion. I read once to think about emotion as E-Motion: Energy in Motion.
Let the energy out. Let those tears flow, the voice rage, squeeze your body tight.
Working through this with your child, providing them with a safe space (emotionally and physically) to let it flow out will allow you to gradually guide them into other ways to let it out and learn to manage their emotions.
